it certainly amazes me just how we humans, being the most mighty ones among all the creatures of the world have the ability to control their lives but still, have to succumb to other restrictions.

for the past week, my mind has been in a whirlwind situation. an on-going view point continueum has been replaying in my head every single day. i know what i have to do, but yet i cant seem to digest and tell myself that what i did was right. i hate myself. i should have known. no.
i knew it.
right from day 1 that this was what i had to do. but my mind flinged it to a corner and now, it has come back to haunt me.

i've only brought hurt, confusion, dissapointment, sadness. its truely sickening when the downside of life seems to over write the happier times. i dunno why.

why? why is it that they say Jesus is always here for you when now, at one of my most depressing times of my life, i cant feel His presence? Why did my prayers go unanswered? i prayed, everyday. but why? why did it all boil down to this?