i've been a busy lately, i dont even have time for myself. year2 is a mad rush. lectures speed up, tutorials come one after another. sleeping time has reduced. sighs. i have so many commitments that i really really feel so torn in between

School
studying in secondary school was a breeze. i could just vomit whatever i memorised. i could finish a math paper in less than 2 hrs. but in college, goodness. i can take 2 hrs to finish 2 complex number questions. chem and econs memorising doesnt work anymore. i studied so hard for the chem test, but the results were disgusting. sighs. my life is a scam, seriously. and tell me... do you really care? i should really cut down on my time spent online. i dont do much online anyways. except to blog or surf around but thinking about the opportuinity cost of using the comp, i'm actually forgoing time to read/study/sleep. is it worth it? hell no.

Church
I dunno but it feels so different being a cell mentor for the upper sec cells. i still feel foreign in the cell, although i try hard to interact with them. but i still miss my dearies =( my mom questions why i must be a cell mentor. why does my church hours stretch from 830 in the morning to 3 plus in the afternoon. i question that myself too. i'm so stupid. my potential is just up to my knees. what has God seen in me?? i've been feeling very tired. there's just sooo many activities in church (berryjam etc...) and i'm just soo tired/busy to attend. i know we should not be contented on being a 'sunday christian' but i'm just so busy and tired and drained out. cant God just let me specialise in one area? =( the only reason i'm clinging (note the word used) is because i believe (like i've said a thousand times) that God will pull me through. but will He? theres a gazillion people out there, would he save a pathetic soul like me??

Friends
these are the people that keep me going on everyday. yaqing's constant blurness, cherlynn's and mingee's random antics. khariz's hello pandas. siyun's sandwiches. the crazy squashers who just bring laughter where ever they go. the netball team. the netball juniors who are so awed by my 'hip-hop' joke. samuel's morning and night calls which always assures me that no matter how bad i may be as a friend to him, no matter how much he condems me for being his 'worst friend', i know that i have a bestfriend in him.
and i realise that a large percentage of my friends have yet to know God. no maybe, i shall rephrase it, have yet to receive God. (except mingee) i know that having close christian friends are good for allowing us to grow spiritually. but its so hard to open to people in church. people whom i only see on sundays. people whom i feel as though theres a barrier between us. a barrier thats so hard to cross over. most probably cause of the different backgrounds that we grow up from. (most of the churchies are smarties...) i love my close friends. i wont trade for anything in the world for them. i mean, looking back, its really memories that build a friendship. i look at the 6 year friendship with yaqing and i feel utterly blessed. when we see a sink, we'll laugh. its this secret bond that we have built throughout these years. how a simple line like "what cca are you joining?" spark a friendship like this is really really the GREATEST blessing. arghs. i love her to bits. =)

so many things to do. so little time.
forgive me if i seem to have neglected you, cause you never were neglected in the first place =)